Your Worthy Career

(MVP) Silence Your Inner Critic

July 27, 2022 Melissa Lawrence Season 1 Episode 96
Your Worthy Career
(MVP) Silence Your Inner Critic
Show Notes Transcript

You know that voice that tells you not to do what you want?
That you're not good enough?
That maybe you should change something about yourself.
That the career you want is out of your league?

Even the highest of achievers struggle with having that inner critic that makes makes them doubt themselves.

Listen in as I share the purpose of your inner critic, how your inner critic is stopping you from getting the job, having the relationships, and living the life you want.


What you'll learn:

  • How to silence your inner critic
  • How to disrupt the negative thought patterns that stifle your growth
  • How to know if you should listen to your critic or not
  • How to make immediate changes to make your critic your ally

Mentioned in this episode:
Work with Melissa at www.melissamlawrence.com
Join the Email Insiders at www.melissamlawrence.com/email

Connect with Melissa
LinkedIn
Instagram

Download my free strategy guide: 4 Hidden Ways to Advance Your Career as a Woman in Pharma/Biotech at www.yourworthycareer.com/hidden

Create the career you actually want inside Beyond the Ceiling , my group coaching program for women in Pharma/Biotech. Learn more at www.yourworthycareer.com/beyond

Looking for private 1-1 career and leadership coaching? Learn more and schedule a consultation at www.yourworthycareer.com/coaching

Love the podcast? Share your feedback by leaving us a review. Thank you!

Connect on Socials
LinkedIn
Instagram

Welcome to Navigating Your Career, the only podcast that blends personal development, professional skills, and psychology to help you get happy at work and live the life you want. If you want to stop feeling stuck and start feeling better, this is the place for you. I'm your host, Melissa Lawrence. Let's get started.


Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the podcast. Today. I have another MVP episode for you, the most valuable podcast episode. And what we're going to be talking about today is Silencing, your inner critic. And this is one of the very first episodes that I did on this podcast within the first couple of months of this show.


And when I talk about silencing or quieting your inner critic, what I'm really referring to is when you want to do something and you get a lot of doubt, a lot of negative self talk, or maybe you get some opinions about what you should be doing at home or in your career, and then you start doubting yourself or putting yourself down, thinking you're doing something wrong and how that kind of inner voice, inner dialogue can keep you from making the moves you want to make and achieving the goals that you want to create and achieve for yourself. And so in this episode, I am explaining a little bit of neuroscience around how your brain works, why that critic is there, and then also how to quiet it down so that it doesn't stop you from those big goals that you want to create and achieve. So without further ado, let's give it a listen. Hello and welcome to this week's episode. I'm so glad that you're here.


We are going to talk about something super fun and super common, and that is your inner mean girl, inner cavewoman, inner critic, whatever you want to call her. So before we get talking about that, I want to share that I started working with a new client this week, and one of the things that we do when we start working together is we go through a life audit all of the different categories in your life and how fulfilled you are and if there's any room for improvement. And one of the things that came up with this new client is her inner critic or inner cavewoman that talks her out of doing what she actually wants to do. And this comes up with work. It comes up with relationships, with family, really in every area.


It's so common. And so it's really interesting because this is something that comes up with pretty much all of my clients where there's at least one part of their life where there's something that they want. And then when we dig into, like, why they're not doing it, whether it be calling a family member more or something at work, the responses often, I don't know. I want to, but I don't know. And then we dig into that and it's just really interesting.


How this inner cave woman, as I call her, really takes over. It's just really common. So when we talk about becoming fearless, we also have to talk about that inner critic, that intermedia girl or inner cave woman, whatever you want to call her. So we have our reptile brain and that drives our inner critic, the part of us that tells us that we can't do things and that we shouldn't do them, or that things like if you're talking about working with other people, it could be, oh well, they could do this too. I don't always have to be the person to do that, even when it's something that you want.


So that part of you that just stops you from actually doing the things that you want to do for yourself, that is all part of your inner critic. And then we have our prefrontal cortex, which is our logical part of our brain. This is responsible for our dreams that tell us that we can do anything, that we can have those relationships, that we want more, that we want to get that promotion, that there's just more out there for us. So like I said, I refer to these as a cave woman brain and our evolved woman brain. So our cave woman brain is there to protect us from sabertooth tigers.


Y'all, obviously not a real threat these days, but that's what it's there for, right? From the time that humans came into existence when we were living in caves, we had to protect ourselves. And so that part of our brain is really there to make things easier for us, to help us run efficiently, to protect us from danger, and to help us seek pleasurable experiences. So it's really there for back in those days when the saber toothed tiger would come out, that it would tell you to run or hide or to protect yourself, right? And then we have that evolved woman brain, which is that prefrontal cortex that lives in the world of possibility and dreams and is pushing you to do all of those big lofty goals that you want to have.


So why do strong women like you, like my new client, that have success and do amazing things, still have this inner critic, right? And how can you get her to be quiet? Because you're successful, right? Like you have some success in your life. So you have gotten this far with her there with you.


But why is she still there even with all the success you have? So first of all, it served you, right? Like you've had success with her, you've gotten where you are with her, the money you've earned, the things you have, the success you've built. Your inner cavewoman was along for the ride, right? So you did it despite her or in spite of her.


You've also needed her to protect you. So your brain wants to protect you. Your brain doesn't want you to do things that are uncomfortable. And your inner cavewoman does serve a purpose. She protects you.


She keeps you from doing things that are dangerous or potentially harmful. So how your cave woman shows up is a cycle of feeling like crap due to some circumstance around you. This could be a bad day. It could be that you didn't get a promotion, that you were overlooked in a meeting, your partner ticked you off. You feel that you're failing at virtual learning.


You don't like how you look in the mirror. So she comes out and she tries to get you to avoid all the pain and avoid feeling bad. So this is where the numbing comes in, where you distract yourself with social media, with food, with drinking, shopping, TV, whatever your chosen go to is. And then of course, you feel a little bit better. Then the cycle repeats itself.


So you don't ever really process those emotions. And you don't experience the depth of the fear or sadness, disappointment, grief, or whatever it is your inner Kwoman Won, she distracted you from the pain. But if we don't manage our inner Kwan, we turn to distractions. And those distractions can take us farther from our goals. We self sabotage and we become stagnant in our growth.


We don't show ourselves or the world our authentic selves, our true selves. We feel stressed and negative. We people please and we make decisions based on what everyone else wants from us. But we need to embrace her, our inner cableman. We need to acknowledge her.


Feel the feeling, process the feeling and embrace it. Friends, your inner critic or inner cableman is never going away. You can learn to manage her, but she isn't going to suddenly disappear. And so if you don't manage her, then that cycle is going to repeat itself where something bad happens, some circumstance around you. And instead of embracing it, you distract yourself so that you can feel better.


And then you just kind of repeat that cycle. And then that is going to create those voids when it comes to your development. It's going to essentially get you to a place where you're successful, but you're only going to reach a certain level of success. You're not actually going to live up to your potential because you're holding yourself back, because you're letting that inner cavewoman rule you. So we really need to learn how to manage her.


Now, you probably have someone in your life who loves you very much, but it's kind of a jerk, right? Maybe it doesn't always offer the best advice. Maybe oversteps criticizes your clothing choices, the way you parent, the way you look, you get the idea. A lot of people experience this with in laws, right? It could be your own parents.


It could be a friend that you have. So when you approach this person from love and you listen to what she has to say, but you have a choice if you want to take her words as fact if you want to let them stop you or if you want to just listen and move on with what you're doing and kind of sache and your fabulous outfit that was just criticized, right? So if you think about a big one I hear is in laws or parents and their involvement with your children, if you're a mom, for example, and having an opinion about how you do everything, or maybe an opinion on how you're dressing or how you're dressing your children or whatever that is, right? So you want to approach that person and you want to listen and acknowledge them because they are someone that you love in your life, but you don't have to listen to what they say. So if they say, I really don't say you have a grandparent in your life that thinks you should spank your children and you don't think you should spank your children.


So you could listen to your parents and their opinion about your discipline of your own children and you can validate them and their opinion and then you can still choose to not think your children, right? You don't have to go do what they say just because they are criticizing you. And so your inner cavewoman is the same way. Now, it sounds a little cookie because this is all going on in your brain, right? It's like you have this intercave woman and a survival woman and you need to acknowledge the thoughts or feelings, take some deep breaths, which deep breathing side note is something we can all do more.


Just taking a few moments to take some deep breaths without distraction, without getting just sidetracked with what's really frustrating you so that you can really get in touch with how you feel, makes a world of difference. You can acknowledge the thoughts and say I see you, I hear you and I don't have to listen to you. So when those inner cavewoman thoughts come in and tell you that you can't get that promotion, that you look like crap, that you're too old for that outfit, that you're failing as a mother, whatever those thoughts are that you might have, you can acknowledge them the same way you would that in law or other person that's criticizing her parenting skills or whatever it is. You can acknowledge yourself and say I see you and I hear you. You can acknowledge that your brain is just trying to protect you, but then you go on anyway and just accept that you don't resist those thoughts that you're having and just know that you get to choose if you want to listen to them, right?


So just because you have those thoughts doesn't mean they are true and doesn't mean you have to listen. And that is such an interesting concept I understand, because we all live in our own brains and we grow up believing our beliefs and thinking only the way that we think. And we think everything we think is true, right? Like, it's coming from a logical, sound place based on your experiences and your education and all of those things. But I feel like so many people, myself included, go so many years of our life thinking that we have to believe our thoughts and that all thoughts are created equal.


And that's just simply not true. Because you have a part of your brain whose core function is to help you survive and to make things easy for you. That has your fight or flight response, and you're going to have thoughts that are not going to be in service of those big goals that you have. And sometimes I think most of the time we listen to those thoughts and we let them hold us back. And we think if we're holding them, if we're having that thought, it's for a reason, and so we need to listen to it.


But instead, what I'm offering you is that you can embrace that thought and just choose not to listen to it, right? You can put that thought to the side. If you're driving a car, you can still steer the car and put that thought in the passenger side. You can choose to acknowledge that thought, take some deep breaths and go on with your day instead of, holy crap, what is going on? This day was shit.


Excuse me, language. I need a glass of wine and a candy bar, stat. Right. This will change the cycle for you. So instead of feeling crappy, distracting yourself, feeling a little better, repeat and have the same result of staggering your growth, self sabotage, frustration, and not actually achieving what you have the potential to achieve for yourself.


You can instead feel crappy, acknowledge and embrace it, feel all the feels, keep moving forward, and have the result of achieving you in higher goals and feeling more fulfilled. So next time something happens that ticks you off or something doesn't go your way, just try it. Try embracing your inner cavewoman, taking deep breaths, acknowledging the feeling and thoughts, and make a decision to let them stay while you keep going. Walk away from the distraction that is calling your name. Tell your inner cavewoman girl, I appreciate you having my back, but I got this.


If you want to dig deeper on this topic, I suggest the book Taming or Gremlin by Rick Carson. There are many exercises you can dig into that will help you gain freedom from self defeating behaviors and beliefs and kind of help you tame that inner cave woman that you have, or as he calls it, the author. He calls it a gremlin from negatively affecting your life. And if you want to really get a good look inside of your brain, I really invite you to reach out to me for a free call where we will spend a whole hour talking about your goals, talking about where this critic is showing up for you and decide if coaching is a good fit to help you overcome that so you can actually achieve all of the things that are within your capacity and potential to do so. To do that, you can just go to my website is www.melissamlorance.com and you can book directly from there.


I'll also put a link in the show notes. All right, that is all for this episode. Now go get it and have an awesome rest of your week. Bye.


Coaching with me is the best way to guarantee you get happy at work and achieve your career and life goals. Getting started is easy. Head over to www.melissamlawrence.com to learn more and apply. It is the first step to get you from feeling stuck to knowing exactly what you want and have the tools to make it a reality. I will be by your side being entire way.